Let's start the day with a smile.

When Insults Had Class

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary."
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading
it."
-- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
-- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of
it."
-- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend.... if you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
-- Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
-- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
-- Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
-- Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human
knowledge."
-- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent
hard work, he overcame them."
-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
-- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather
than illumination."
-- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-- Billy Wilder

Nice chuckle Jerry... I'm afraid it's a little too early for me and I'm out of coffee. I'm off to the coffee shop, blading and breakfast
I'll contribute something later when I get to work!
Play nice, now!

Well aren't we in a good mood this morning...lol! I'm just getting to my coffee...will have to think of something after I wake up...lol!

These are wonderful, Jerry. Can't wait to share them with my other friends.

Actual conversation during a presentation where the presenter was a total sexist, bigoted jerk:

"Do you prefer to be called Chris or Christine?" Jerk
"My friends call me Chris. You may call me Christine." Me

I said it unintentionally but it was so apropos!

How about Truman Capote, to a friend trying to guess a woman's age: "Why don't you just cut off her leg and count the rings?".

Jerry - thanks for the chuckle.

Chris(tine) - EXCELLENT!!!!

William Shakespeare's famous quote:
The tartness of your face could sour ripe grapes.

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force"

"She delivered a striking performance that ran the gamut of emotions, from A to B." (about Katherine Hepburn in the play, "The Lake")

"If all the girls at Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all suprised."

"She had all the poise of the Sphinx and none of the mystery."

"That woman speaks 18 languages and can't say 'no' in any of them."

Dorothy Parker

Dorothy is my kind of gal, and every one else's also!

He has a titanic mind......in a world of icebergs.

A very old woman wants to end her life, thinking that a gun short through the heart would be best, but she's unsure at to where the heart is, she call her doctor and is told her heart is near the center of her left breast. The next day the old woman calls her doctor back. Hay, I thought you said that my heart was in the center of my left breast? It is replied the doctor, hell it is said the old woman, I just blew off my knee cap!

Winston Churchill being heckled - "Madam I may be drunk; you are ugly, but I will be sober in the morning"

I love stupid celebrity quotes. How about one from Brooke Shields:

Smoking kills and if your killed, you've lost a very big part of living.

DUH!