My Dog Skippy

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner.

This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.

It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrip.

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she sh.ts on you!"

sjosss

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but expecially by two shiny , silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father"? The father(never having seen an elevator)said, "Son, I have never seen anything like this before".While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally, the walls opened and out stepped a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde. The father said quietly to his son "Go get your mother."

OoooopppS!

Hello?"

"Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."

"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."

Brief Pause? "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do: Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."

"Okay Daddy, just a minute."

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?" he asked.

"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"

"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"

"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."

***Long Pause***

***Longer Pause***

***Even Longer Pause***

Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? . . . Is this 486-5731?"

Try this!

No way! That is awesome......

What Happens When You Have...


1) Nothing to do


2) A sharp knife


3) A large lime


4) A patient cat


5) Too much tequila


6) And it's football season?





You Get a Feline Football Player!

I saw JAKE!!!! Jesus Jake!!!

OMG, the jokes...I am SNORTING at work...NOT a good thing! LOL!

Jerry, my dad always tries to blame his farts on me...he farts, and then yells PUNKIE...but then again, my sister Geezela is asckared of her own farts. When she does, it makes a noise, she looks at her behind and then runs like crazy and really freaks out. Mom and dad love to watch her...they laugh a lot when she does...

I?m not sure what the political message is here, but interesting (and a little scary) nonetheless. Be sure that your speakers are on and the volume is turned up.

Just click on the link below.


http://www.adcritic.com/interactive/assets/aclu-pizza/

LOL, great thread!!

Ah Punka Pie, sometimes we don't share all our family secrets:-{O}

Tom, so I should not have said that my sister is asckared of her own well...you know...noises? You have to remember that I am a "special needs dog" so sometimes I say and do things I shouldn't

Just a couple more posts, Punka, and you'll be experienced!