Hey all - just a quick shout, or whimper maybe. I'm having surgery on Monday at 7:30AM (hope my surgeon is a morning person). I will be in the hospital until Thursday morning if all goes well. While I've had two other surgeries I've never spent the night in a hospital. I have a new robe (whoopie) and slippers and need a "decent" gown as the one I just bought might be a bit too short for visitors. I want them to come by and see me, just not all of me. LOL!

So good jokes would be appreciated and Jerry - while it will be about 8 weeks out I'm looking for a low fat vegetarian recipe/meal. The higher in protein the better.

Thanks ya'll for letting get that out there - I'm a bit nervous and anxious and excited all at once...and MAN do I have a headache but no asprin or ibuprofen for me. Tylenol here I come.

Hi Mara ,

here is the DQRJT : DutchQUickResponseJokes Team, well me.
I wish you best of luck with whatever surgery they are performing on you , and best of luck to the surgeon too, ...

I would be nervous as well , surgery on a monday morning????
Can you say COFFEE!!!! Just kidding, that's just why I am not a surgeon , and not because I am a short sighted , asthmatic , parkinson kinda guy

LOL

sjosss

Mara, just think, a week from now you will be chatting like a mad dog. We all will be thinking of you. Please let us know things go.
Be well, and make a quick recovery.

Part two.

Let me know when you are ready for your special diner. Most vegetarian recipes/meals higher in protein are a blast to whip up. I will just need a list of restricted foods. Spam's out of the question!

Good luck, Mara! We will list some good jokes for you if you promise to let us know you are OK when you get home and feel up to logging on, OK? Hugs out to you. cb

Wishing you the best with your surgery, Mara! I know lots of folks who had it and you should see them now, a year later. Wow! It will be worth it, keep that in mind. I don't have any jokes right now, but will try really hard to think of something funny other than sending you a picture of myself! LOL!

Something funny just popped into my mind, if I were having surgery, I would be in trouble, I sleep in my birthday suit, so I would have a big problem with a nightie so to speak, can't stand anything touching me but the sheet and hubby of course! LOL!

All body parts crossed for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery!

Mara, good luck ! interesting how people bare all on the internet... now we all know Debbie sleeps in the buff and will always have an x-rated image when we see her name ... hehehe ... just kidding Debbie, I promise I will only keep your profile image in mind :-)
Denise

Mara ~ good thoughts and healing vibes heading your way. Like Jerry said, this time next week you'll be back and chatting away, this time next month you be feeling better and this time in two months you'll be testing Jerry's recipes. Just two short months - think about how fast it is between paying the mortgage or rent!!! A blink of an eye

I'm always struggling with my weight, so know you're not alone - everyone has their cross to bear. Thank you for trusting us enough to share with us and know that we'll be here for you!

Now, for a joke... I'll have to get back to you with that

So this guy was walking down the beach one day and he sees a bottle. He uncorks it and a genie appears. The genie tells him he has one wish for anything he might want.

He says, well I have plenty of money, a beautiful wife and a wonderful family. There's not much I need, wait there is one thing. I am deathly afraid of airplanes and I have a terrible time with motion sickness but I always wanted to go to Hawaii. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii?

The genie says, what are you crazy, it's 3000 miles to Hawaii. The ocean is thousands of feet deep, there a huge storms and what about ships hitting the bridge.

Well the mans says, there is one other thing, could you make it so I can understand women.

The genies says, so how many lanes do you want on that bridge, two or four?

I'm still thanking God that sjosss is not my surgeon... LOL! And just to let you know I am having laproscopic (we hope) gastric bypass aka Roux-en-y surgery. It's kind of an internal separation of the stomach and some rerouting of the small intestines. But it is a life saver.

And here's a funny - my surgeon was telling me that the mortality rate of the surgery is about 1 in 200. He unfortunately has had 2 patients die, not while in surgery, so I asked him how close he was to the next 200 mark. He stopped for a minute and then told me it didn't work that way. I thought that was cute - like I really thought it was every 200 patients.

Anywho - here's to hoping that I'm not #200.

Thanks Cecil - I like that one. :-)

Mara...you are making your own jokes! (Which is a good thing, because I can't tell jokes. )

Mara, a horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "why the long face?".

A man walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, you can stay as long as you don't start anything!!

Unfortunately, that's as good as it gets from me for jokes! LOL

Here's to successful surgery and a very speedy recovery. Will be thinking of you and sending healing positive <<<vibes>>>.

Oh and PS. I'll be sending my positive healing vibes all the way from sunny Bonaire.... so I'm SURE they will be extra special. xo

Mara, I will say a couple extra prayers at church tomorrow in your name.

Hi Mara,

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of JOKE?!"

A fish swims into a wall, "Dam!"

A guy walks into a bar, "Ouch!"

Okay, I'm starting to crack myself up....
Lots of ~~~~~~~~~good vibes~~~~~~~~ heading your way,

Mare

Good luck with the operation.

Mara, sending up lots of prayers and good vibes for you now. I really hope it all goes well and you're posting away next week!

Mara, I will be saying prayers for you before during and after surgery. I don't know if you read but find some good books that you have been meaning to read and take them with you.

Lots of hugs to you!!!! I hope you recover quickly!

Thanks everyone - this time tomorrow it will all be over. I'm sure my extra special healing vibes from Kelly while on Bonaire will be perfect.

As for reading materials I plan on bringing magazines with me as they will serve dual purposes. 1) something to read (short articles for my short attention span) 2) getting the clutter out of my house. We get way too many magazines so I have vowed to read as many as I can and then throw them away or bring them in to work.

My hubby had ear surgery in February and read a book while recovering at home. A few months later his daughter and I were talking about reading the book which was the last in a series and he said - WAIT, I haven't read it yet. We tried to convince that he had in fact already read it but he would hear none of that. So he read it - again. THEN he realized that yes he had read it but could only remember bits and pieces of it. Guess that's why they say not to sign any real important documents while you are in "recovery" mode.

Well this time tomorrow (if all goes well - which it will) I will be done and on my way out of ICU.

Mara, good luck tomorrow Sounds like you have a really good surgeon Let us know as soon as you can how it goes because you know, we will worry!

Jokes:

Shipwrecked
A diver was shipwrecked up onto a lonely and tropical shore. As he stood up he noticed his hands were purple, he looked at his feet, and they were purple, worriedly he unzipped his wetsuit and his chest and stomach were purple. With his head in his hands he cried, "Oh my God!, I've been marooned!"

Seen in the Personal Ads column
Young attractive male seeks female dive buddy for shared recreation and friendship, must have boat. Please sent photo of boat.

Classic things dive instructors say
Welcome to the food chain folks, you are no longer on the top!


(Message edited by cyndelee on July 23, 2006)

Sending healing vibes and prayers
CindyR

Q: What do you call an auto accident between two yuppies?

A: A Saab story!

-----------------------
If I ever got lost in the woods, I hope I have a deck of cards on me. I'd play solitaire. Eventually someone will show up and say "Black nine on red ten."

---------------------
Question: How many mediators does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer: So what I hear you saying is that you want more light.

--------------------------
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The Screwdriver responds, "You have a drink named Murray?"

All courtesy of the Prairie Home Companion web page

Fingers crossed and Prayers for you tomorrow Mara
as promised one of my fav Jokes ....

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.
They ask, "So, Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart." !!!

Great joke Ray - and look, you became Extraordinary with me.... I'm almost blushing...actually it's more like flushing but that's just a little TMI for ya'll.

Thanks - and keep those jokes coming.

Wow , some surgery you are about to have, ( jerry's wine dinner thread)
I'm working on losing weight too , not that radical and urgent apparantly as you , probably .

OK , now for the joke part , it is a sweet proud daddy story as well ,

a couple of hours ago , while having dinner , ( cream cheesefilled porc rolls with plumtomato sauce and grilled zuchini and ruccola salad on the side) sorry ,

anyway, My daughter Amber(4 1/2) and Son Alexander (almost 3) needed some entertainment and diversion coping with their part of the meal , ... So I decided to tell them their ( actually for real ) first joke:

A rabbit walks in to a Bakery , ...says to the baker : "do you have carrot cake "????
The baker looks down on him ( rabbits aren't that big you know) and says :"No , we don't , sorry"
Same rabbit returns the next day , ...says to the baker : "do you have carrot cake "????
The baker looks down on him ( rabbits aren't that big you know) and says :"No , we don't , sorry"
The baker thinks , "well 2 days in a row , might return tommorrow , better make him a cake "
Same rabbit returns the next day , ...says to the baker : "do you have carrot cake "????
The baker looks down on him ( rabbits aren't that big you know) and says :"As a matter of fact , today we do have carrot cake"
Rabbit look up to him( rabbits aren't that big you know) and says :"Disgusting , isn't it "????

Here begins the proud daddy bit : Amber obviously didn't get it , had to repeat the joke twice .
Later that evening , Alexander looked at me and said : :"Disgusting , isn't it "????Carrotcake "???

and he almost laughed his ass off !!!!

OMG , to be blessed with a child with a sence of humour , devine!!!

Mara , please remember to ask the "foodperson" in the hospital if they have carrotcake and you will be just fine !!!!!
Mega Hug and enjoy the "show".

Jos

roy...LMAO...

Mara - best wishes for tomorrow - I know all will go well for you & you'll be reading your mag's this time tomorrow & looking to get the heck out of there.

A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."
The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal."
So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."
The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know.
It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW."

Mara - best of luck with the surgery.

Here's a joke from my 8 year old nephew:

Q: Why do sharks swim in salt water?

A: Because they'd sneeze if they swam in pepper water!

Good luck!!

Modern supermarket !



The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the
produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a thunderstorm
and the smell of fresh rain.


When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent
of fresh butter fat.


When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackle and the air is filled
with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.


....So far I have been too afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle.

Mara, I got on specifically to wish you all the luck and love in the world tomorrow and now I have tears- BTrs really do Rock! SJoss I love your first joke And everyone else's... what love!
So here is my contribution:

Some self-evident truths about pets...

* Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

*No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

*Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

*We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?

*Women and cats will do as they please... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

*When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

*In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

Let us know how you're doing - we will have you on our minds

Mara, I got on specifically to wish you all the luck and love in the world tomorrow and now I have tears- BTrs really do Rock! SJoss I love your first joke And everyone else's... what love!
So here is my contribution:

Some self-evident truths about pets...

* Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

*No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

*Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

*We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view: Why do humans keep peeing into their water bowls?

*Women and cats will do as they please... men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

*When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

*In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.

Let us know how you're doing - we will have you on our minds

Mara - Best of thoughts for you tomorrow - May all of your expectations come to be!

Thank you everyone - I have been smiling and laughing and I will certainly think of disgusting carrot cake - LOL!

I'll be on hopefully by Thursday and let you all know how it went.

Hugs and I'll keep checking for jokes.

Mara, I am horrible at telling jokes but I'm thinking of you and hoping for a great success with your surgery! Hugs and prayers are being sent to you.
Here is a joke from my 8 year old:
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alaska
Alaska who?
Alaska later, I forgot my question.