1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

5. A sandwich walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."

6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. (I love that one!)

7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt
under his arm and says: "A beer please, & one for the road."

8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green, Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Doc says, "It's not unusual."

10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up, examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."

13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

15. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

17. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

A day without sunshine is like, well, night!

Man walks into a bar.
Ouch.

Fish swims into a wall.
Dam!

Riddle for the day:

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a glass of water. The bartender whips out a gun and points it at the man's face.

The man gratefully thanks the bartender and leaves.

Why?

(Answer later tonight.)

A True Senior Moment.

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that is red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes," the man said and then he turned toward the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Michelle, a squirt gun?

Annie...LOL! (by the way, I'm trying to post after every one of your posts so you can't catch me...tee hee)

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar, the bartender says,"What is this, a joke?"

I performed a magic trick the other day, I walked around the corner and turned into a bar.

Cynde. I know your game gal. LMHO.

A Silly One.

A Polish immigrant goes to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. He
has to take an eye test.

The optician shows him a card with the letters
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z'.
"Can you read this?" the optician asks.

"Read it?" the Polish guy replies, "I know the guy."

Am I allowed to post a naughty one? I doesn't contain bad language.

Annie B, I'm also trying my best to be on good behaviour...

mare

I'm gonna take the chance. I had my wrists slapped before. I can take it.

Moderators delete it if you like. It ain't that bad really. We don't post anything here to intentionally offend anyone. It is just a fun thread isn't it?



(Message edited by annette on April 29, 2005)

Will someone tell her it's just a mushroom.

ROTFLMAO Annie....

The guy had the hiccups. He asked the bartender for a glass of water, but the bartender cured the guy's hiccups by scaring the crap out of him instead.

ROFLMAO everyone!!!

Are you sure it's not a siphon??

Bob, now you've done it! You've "cross-threaded" us.

Last Day @ the Plaza Hotel

Seb is this a report on the end of the hotel or the way you spent the last day?

Babs, Mare and I worked the last day of the hotels being open, loading out some AV gear from the Plaza Hotel, The top picture is the Palm Court, a delightful place. The other snaps are from the roof, looking north into Central Park. The Plaza is across from the park. The colored blobs are flowering trees.
Had we been better dressed, we would have had some eggs benedict in the Palm Court after our call.

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "hey, why the long face?"

Two little old ladies were attending a rather long church service.
One leaned over and whispered, "My butt is going to sleep."
"I know," replied her companion, "I heard it snore three times."